I am sitting in a Starbucks in Hampton, Virginia. The plan was to begin my write up of the two months we spent in Cocoa, Florida. I was going to share the boat projects we undertook, the best restaurants and beaches we found and maybe offer a few insights into how to find what you might need as a sailor in Cocoa. These are all very safe topics to discuss. When I say safe, I mean to say they don’t expose anything of myself, personally. While writing in this manner feels blissfully anonymous, it also makes me feel like a complete fraud.
The truth is, I’ve been running from myself since I began this blog. It was completely intentional to avoid digging into the emotional side of life with no fixed address. The reason for this is pretty simple. I am carrying the burden of a lot, and I mean a LOT of trauma. I’m not going to go into the salacious details of all I carry because its not really important. There are so many of us carrying trauma and trying to learn to live carry it with us and yet still move forward- that is what is important. If you are trying to figure out how to move forward, maybe I could help you not feel so alone. Maybe if I am brave enough to be open to telling the truth, perhaps it will be easier for you.
I used to be a writer. I used to be a sailor. Then the very bad thing happened and I lost it. All of it. I lost my ability to write. I lost my confidence. I lost myself and who I was before the VERY BAD THING.It has taken years for me to be able to admit this, but here I am. This is my year of becoming. I am becoming something akin to what I was before. I am becoming a writer again, but I can’t do this without being honest and willing to expose myself in my writing. Otherwise, I might as well just have an AI written blog and who needs more of that? I am becoming a sailor again. Its a slow process but I am getting there.
So hi. I’m Cid. I have been through some stuff. I am still here. I am a writer and sailor- although I never said I was a good one. Sailing is sometimes hard. The nomadic lifestyle is hard. Relationships on a boat are hard. Healing trauma is hard too but here I am, doing the hard things.
Thanks for being here. If you are also trying to heal and find yourself again, I hope by stopping by, you will feel a little less alone.
